Irmaa's Story

 Mari maju lebih baik irma. istirahat sedikit. lupa semua yang kemarin. maaf dan biar jadi pelajaran. memang random dan buat sulit, tapi percaya pelan-pelan pasti bisa.  Usaha lebih keras lagi, usahakan lebih baik dari kemarin. ayo coba, HARUS SAMPAI TUJUAN ITU !!

 I must say that i'm someone who hard to trus another people. and now, i found that i might be bad at comunication perhaps ?  but yah, i admit it. i'm good at prettend like nothing happened to me. i'm good at prettend like i didn't think about you, also i'm good at prettend like i'm strong, i'm always fine, nothing change, etc. but deep down my heart, it's also hurt me. i try to shout it out loud, but i'm affraid it hurt me more, cause seems like i'm crying for attention. so i choose to keep it my self.  but, honestly, can we just talk ? can we just didn't prettend at all ? can we just tell what we feel ? maybe it's my fault, move away from anythings that happened, but u must know that i'm crazy of you. so rather than being overthingking, i preffer to just leave, not because i don't want you, but because i don't want to loose me.  so what u think ? would u like to start again ? or maybe can we just talk ? just to make it clear...

beta pengen pergi, bukan karena melarikan diri. tapi untuk mengembangkan diri lebih. berproses lebih irma. bawa diri jauh lebih baik.  jangan lari untuk menghindar. hadapilah irma. belajar lebih. kasih kuat bahu kasih kuat mental. 

Starting in January 2025, and throughout 2025, I've been constantly thinking about "when will Christmas come?" All year long, not a single day goes by without me thinking about Christmas. Christmas, a moment that comes during the rainy season, but its warmth is always a cherished memory. It's such a joyful Christmas moment for me. and i do really love the christmas season. Go to the church with all my fammily, enjoy the gathering with all my friends,  But this year, I've learned something new about Christmas. Several sad events have befallen some of my friends and companions. I read someone say something like this: "No matter how much you cry, Christmas will still come." I read this, and then I thought again. Yes, no matter how much sorrow you feel, joy and peace (Christmas) will still come, when it's time. Some people cry deeply, deeply. So deep is the grief of losing someone we love. But it turns out that no matter how sad, the world keeps turning....

Tuhan Yesus, beta pengen lari sejauhhh mungkin dan kabur dari sini.  kalau b sering datang, dan terus-terus bilang bahwa beta capek, sonde apa kan Tuhan ?  maaf b sering mengeluh, padahal banyak yang b doakan dan Tuhan sudah kabulkan. Tuhan, beta pu keinginan ini sangat besar. beta takut, takut sekali beta sonde bisa capai. maaf sekali Tuhan Yesus, beta minta terlalu banyak, tapi beta yakin, Tuhan maha baik, menyediakan yang terbaik dan cukup.  Terimakasih banyak untuk berkat yang sudah ada, dan akan terus ada Tuhan. Puji Syukur. 

If you truly desire it, then pray with all your heart and strive with all your might. For it is written: "I lift up my eyes to the mountains; where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1-2 "Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for there is no work, no planning, no knowledge, no wisdom in Sheol, where you are going." - Ecclesiastes 9:10 Hold on to it and do it. Sometimes, during my prayer, I think that I'm praying sincerely, with all my humility. But, when i'm in a sillent, and then i think about it, and sudenly, i thought that there's still arrogance in my heart. I found that, I'm still relying on myself. I'm very proud and underestimate God's goodness. The fact that God has blessed me with all my achievement, all blessings that i've got, isn't because I'm very good, but because He pitys me . He, the Lord, the King of the universe, took pity on the suf...

i can't express my feeling, so rather than being stressed, i prefer to drop it down here. i must say that he is not that cool or physically handsome. first time i saw him, honestly i don't really have an interest. but when we talk, i think i found something in him, i gues.  I think he is ingenuous, simple, he doesn't beat around the bush and gets straight to the point.  I like him. Not because he's cool or physically handsome, but because I think he's simple. Simple, kind, humble, and wise. I told God that I like a smart man. I want someone more mature and wise than me (technically, I asked for a man older than me), hehe. And more specifically, I said, "Lord Jesus, I want a man who can sing, who's used to joining the church choir, or maybe at least a man who is enjoys take a part in church activities" And BOOM, I found a picture in his instagram an TikTok Profile that shows me that he is. HE IS ! how suprised i am.  That's what attracted me. It mad...

Kupang, 28 November 2025 @Aula El Tari - Prov. NTT I've got a precious lesson learned today.  start form the morning i wake up, i do my activity as usual. when i'm ready to go to my office, my dad was ready to pick me up with him, but i said no thankyou. i had another bussines to do, so i'd choose to go used my motorcycle.  at 9 am, me and my team, we had to do an activate of IKD (Identitas Kependudukan Digital), that is another digital transformation of Indonesian Governance to bringing convenience to inhabitant administration  matters in Indonesia. to do the activate, we only need a smartphone with an enough storage to download the app, an active email, and also wi-fi or internet conection.  as gen-z, it's to much easy, to understand the menu of the aplication, the way to use it, and all the stuff to used it. eventhough at first we might find a problem, but in the end, we will know how to mannage the problem, and make sure that IKD is going well, just like it must ...

 Tuhan Yesus, beta mau. kalau Tuhan mau, tolong bantu beta. 

Katedral Santa Perawan Maria Bogor-2024 I just realized that the blessings of the Lord Jesus are truly extraordinary. far from what humans think. A few days ago, I read a story in my Instagram about a girl who at a young age always tried to proclaim God's word, sing for God, and in several podcasts she said that she wanted to make her life for God. he wants to dedicate it to God. and what's extraordinary is that, in my opinion, many people are grateful for his presence. and in my own words, when I hear the song he wrote, it feels like 'Tuhan Yesus, terimakasih'. But that girl died at a young age, and apparently in his family, after she died, they had lost two daughters in the family. Then, i've just thinking , how hurt her parents were, especially his mother. and again I thought, Lord, how could You bring the deep sadness, and the sorrow among people who always glorify Your name? But then, there was her poadcarst in my Instagram feed who said that she belive in ...

 Lately, i always have a same things that i think about what happen on my life. i always think about, is my life is useful enough ?  specially, in this last 3 months, a lot of things happen on me. my fist experience to make proposal skripsi, this make a lot of mental health issue on me.  i always do something, just thinking that 'I can make it' ; 'I can handle it' ; 'it's okay, it's gonna be fine'. i always think that  i can make anything as well as i want. but it's all gone wrong. that's not going that easly. then i read a sentence on a book that i've bougth, it says "give all your worries to God, He will keep you safe in His arms". in that book, they said that. everythings that happen on the earth, is happen because of God. and if you don't ask to Him, you'll get nothing. so, do not rely on your own strength, for your strength is not because you are strong, but because God's mercy strengthens you. 

Beta rasa semua orang pernah rasakan pasang surut, dan naik turun dalam hidup. tiap orang punya takaran masing-masing, dan punya ukuran kekuatan masing-masing. sering sekali sejak awal, beta rasakan kesusahan itu, dan ternyatan lewat. bahkan sekarang pun sama. rasanya kosong sekali. hampa. kelihatannya sia-sia.  dan ternyata, disaat merasakan kekosongan itu, orang lain berproses jauh lebih cepat. kelihatannya begitu. yap, 'kelihatannya'.  orang lain pikir kamu berproses dengan mudah, dengan gampang, padahal, more than that, there is tears, there is blood, there is more than you have to pay to pass that prosess.  pain, hurt, sad, stress, stupid, felling down, any bad things that happen to you, they don't see that. they don't feel it. they don't know it.  and also, you don't know their feeling, their mind, their pain, their strugrle. you don't even know what they do and how they pass that things.  everybody has their own way. also you. you have your own proces...

setelah banyak jalan dan keliling, baru sadar kalau makin kesini waktu yang dikasih tu sangat amat berharga, dan kepercayaan yang didapat juga sangat amat berharga. ketika sudah lewat waktunya, sulit lagi kamu dapat kesempatan yang sama dan momen yang sama untuk lakukan sesuatu.  orang bilang, kalau ada kesempatan langsung ambil. orang berhasil bukan karena apa-apa, tapi karena dia tau memanfaatkan momen dan kesempatan. ada yg datang momennya, tapi dia belum berkesempatan, ada yang datang kesempatannya, tapi dia tidak dapat momennya. ada yang bahkan sudah ada momen dan kesempatan, tapi tidak berani mengambilnya. takut. ragu-ragu. bodoh !. Fatal itu. lebih dari momen dan kesempatan, adalah keberanian. momen dan kesempatan itu bukan "Datang" tapi "diBuat", "diCiptakan".  -make it !-

again, i dont know how to express this felling.  another great experience, nice  moment, with thousand value of life.  sebagai praja, jelas saya belajar banyak hal. secara khsus pada moment ini. keluar dari zona nyaman, kenal dengan lingkungan baru, dapat pengalaman baru yang tidak pernah dilakukan sebelumnya. bertemu dengan banyak orang, dengan karakter dan kepribadian yang berbeda dan tidak dapat disamakan.  awalnya merasa ragu, apa iya akan cocok ? semoga baik-baik saja prosesnya. dan ternyata memang Tuhan baik !!!.  dengan penduduk kota tasikmalaya yang mostly, banyak menggunakan bahasa sunda, disini saya belajar banyak kosakata baru, kosakata bahasa sunda. punten, kelebet, namut KK, masih banyak lagi. kenal dan berinteraksi secara langsung dengan masyarakat, turun dan tau keadaan lapangan, dan sistem kerja republik ini, (kurang lebihnya).  dan yang paling berkesan adalah semua pengalaman ditempat baru ini. air terjun setinggi itu, ke gunung dengan posi...

I don't know how to start talk about this. just little bit flashback about what allready happen on me in march 2023. It's so sick.  I just had to know that the world can always go like your mind, even you do your best to make it. My friends said "don't be so naive  irma!". And i realise that OMG that right HAHAHA. I've just realise that i'm so naive. One thing that i  always belive in, that when we do good to people, we'll got a goog things for us. Be kind. you'll got kindness to.  It is depply regretted, that so much negativity around me. since 2020, i know that there is no one i can trust, except me. And that became the greatest wound as well as fear. there is no place to lean on, not even just to share stories. and i'm used to it. accustomed to standing alone, keeping stories and a million thoughts alone (as ussual). a little crying, but i believe i'll be fine.  not all the good that you give can return to bring good to you. But that doe...

 It's going to be an end of september.  And the October will come with thousand story that we can't predicted.  Rasanya langit september terlalu banyak mendungnya. Sejak awal langkah menjajaki perjalanan hari di bulan ini. Awan kelabu seakan menghantui. Mengikuti setiap jejak langkah kaki yang sejujurnya enggan melangkah. Letih bahkan jadi hal biasa. Seakan bukan hal baru, selalu ada setiap saat, menjadi bisa karna terbiasa.  Keinginan untuk tenang dan damai seolah hanya angan. Berpadu dengan langkah kaki yang dipaksa berlari, dipaksa berlangkah, tanpa tau alasan. Cacian dan makian juga bukan hal baru. menjadi topik yang lazim dibicarakan, seolah memang pantas dilontarkan. Cacat dan lumpuh. semua orang mendadak menutup mata, dengan alasan sebuah aturan. Sebuah tradisi, sebuah kebiasaan, suatu pembinaan. Mengatasnamakan Akhlak, mengatur etika.  Ruang kosong dan hampa, lebih dingin. Jadi lebih dingin dengan atmosfer kebodohan. Semakin hari, makin digiring seolah b...

a little bit friendly, kindly reminder untuk diri sendiri. maybe also for u whose read this. didn't really know how to start. but here we go.  okay.  desember 16th 2021. 12.41 am.  got my self sleep all day long afterr doing my third final term exams. i allready realize that since i went home, on october, i always pass my time doing nothing. just sit all day long. sleep as long as i want. playing with my phone everytime. also i'm doing another things, like running, study, but it's just . . . .  seems like i'm doing nothing all this time.  setiap orang pasti pernah punya masa dimana dia tiba-tiba berpikir kembali tentang hidup. "kenapa kayaknya hidup ini cuma begini saja ?". "kenapa hidup ini rasanya seperti saya bukan apa-apa ?". "kenapa waktu saya terlalu banyak terbuang percuma ?". "kenapa banyak yang saya rencanakan, tapi tidak terlaksana semuanya?". "kenapa jadi pribadi anti mager tu susah". "kira-kira hidup ini...

Kakinya terkulai, badannya lemas seketika. Setetes keringat bertahta di atas pelipisnya. Kenignya dipegang dengan tangannya. Duduk termenung di pinggir taman tangga dengan rumput disekitarnya. Padangannya kedepan. Banyak hal menjadi pertanyaannya. Langit sore itu indah sekali, l gumpalan awan putih yang menghiasi cakrawala langit biru lembah manglayang, dengan gugusan bukit dipinggirnya.   ‘Indah’ salah satu kata yang terlintas dibenaknya. satu tarikan nafas panjang keluar dari hidungnya, pikirannya kembali melambung jauh, bergilir kembali pikiran yang sedari tadi menjadi pertanyaannya. Menjadi perempuan apakah memang selalu sesulit itu kah ? Kenapa segala sesuatu menjadi sebuah persoalan ? kenapa untuk memutuskan suatu hal, segala sesuatu menjadi pertimbangannya ? Kenapa perasaan juga turut menjadi pertimbangan ? dan tidak semua orang mengerti perasaan itu. Perempuan itu cenderung perfectionis, tapi bukan berarti ingin sempurna. Tapi semata-mata ingin semua baik adanya, da...

Tanggung Jawab. Satu kata dengan ribuan beban diatasnya. Bukan soal kekuatan diri, tapi kepatuhan dalam diri. Tanggung jawab, jadi cerita tentang bahu yang rapuh. ' Berawal dari keinginan besar. sekedar banyangan, angan-angan. Hanya sebatas impian, keinginan, cita-cita. Dengan kerja keras dan usaha, juga untaian doa. Kemudian menjadi suatu realita. Diizinkan bersua. perasaan tak terkatakan. Gerbang PKD jadi saksi awal, langkah kaki pertama, melangkah dengan harapan dan tekad yang bulat, keingingan besar menyelesaikan pendidikan dalam kesatriaan ini. Tanpa tahu, kerasnya pertempuran jiwa dalam lembah manglayang. Muda Praja, menjadi tahapan pertama, setelah menempuh pendidikan dasar.  "Kosong licin tak berdaya,.." selalu jadi selogannya.  Tak berdaya, tanpa kekuatan. Seketika dunia berhenti, memulai segalanya dari nol. penanaman sikap, karakter, pembentukan mental, pola pikir, dan prinsip. Tanpa isi, tanpa nilai dalam diri, semuanya dipaksakan masuk. Penuh dengan Intri...

Jadi perempuan kuat yang bermental. Seperti apa seharusnya ? Dalam kehidupan sebagian orang, beberapa diantara kita hidup untuk memenuhi tuntutan dari jabatan/tanggung jawab yang dipikulnya. Tapi kemudian, bagaimana jika tuntutan itu tidak sesuai dengan kepribadiannya ? bagaimana jika caranya menentukan sikap berbeda dengan cara orang lain bersikap. Bagaimana kalau pandangannya berbeda dengan cara orang lain memandang tuntutan itu ? bagaimana jika karakternya berbeda dengan tipe karakter yang dituntut dalam tuntutan itu ? bagaimana jika perasaanya berbeda dengan perasaan orang lain ? bagaimana jika caranya memikul tanggung jawab berbeda dengan orang lain ? Lantas apa harus dia berubah, dan memenuhi tuntutan orang lain terhadap dirinya ? apakah ia hidup hanya untuk memenuhi atau memuaskan keinginan orang lain ? Sementara kalau jawabanya ‘YA !’ apa alasannya ? kenapa hidup untuk memuaskan keinginan orang lain? kenapa hidup untuk menjadi orang lain ? Dan saat ia berusaha hidup m...