Irmaa's Story

 Lately, i always have a same things that i think about what happen on my life. i always think about, is my life is useful enough ?  specially, in this last 3 months, a lot of things happen on me. my fist experience to make proposal skripsi, this make a lot of mental health issue on me.  i always do something, just thinking that 'I can make it' ; 'I can handle it' ; 'it's okay, it's gonna be fine'. i always think that  i can make anything as well as i want. but it's all gone wrong. that's not going that easly. then i read a sentence on a book that i've bougth, it says "give all your worries to God, He will keep you safe in His arms". in that book, they said that. everythings that happen on the earth, is happen because of God. and if you don't ask to Him, you'll get nothing. so, do not rely on your own strength, for your strength is not because you are strong, but because God's mercy strengthens you. 

Beta rasa semua orang pernah rasakan pasang surut, dan naik turun dalam hidup. tiap orang punya takaran masing-masing, dan punya ukuran kekuatan masing-masing. sering sekali sejak awal, beta rasakan kesusahan itu, dan ternyatan lewat. bahkan sekarang pun sama. rasanya kosong sekali. hampa. kelihatannya sia-sia.  dan ternyata, disaat merasakan kekosongan itu, orang lain berproses jauh lebih cepat. kelihatannya begitu. yap, 'kelihatannya'.  orang lain pikir kamu berproses dengan mudah, dengan gampang, padahal, more than that, there is tears, there is blood, there is more than you have to pay to pass that prosess.  pain, hurt, sad, stress, stupid, felling down, any bad things that happen to you, they don't see that. they don't feel it. they don't know it.  and also, you don't know their feeling, their mind, their pain, their strugrle. you don't even know what they do and how they pass that things.  everybody has their own way. also you. you have your own proces

setelah banyak jalan dan keliling, baru sadar kalau makin kesini waktu yang dikasih tu sangat amat berharga, dan kepercayaan yang didapat juga sangat amat berharga. ketika sudah lewat waktunya, sulit lagi kamu dapat kesempatan yang sama dan momen yang sama untuk lakukan sesuatu.  orang bilang, kalau ada kesempatan langsung ambil. orang berhasil bukan karena apa-apa, tapi karena dia tau memanfaatkan momen dan kesempatan. ada yg datang momennya, tapi dia belum berkesempatan, ada yang data kesempatan, tapi dia tidak dapat momennya. ada yang bahkan sudah ada momen dan kesempatan, tapi tidak berani mengambilnya. takut. ragu-ragu. bodoh !. Fatal itu. lebih dari momen dan kesempatan, adalah keberanian. momen dan kesempatan itu bukan "Datang" tapi "diBuat", "diCiptakan".  -make it !-

again, i dont know how to express this felling.  another great experience, nice  moment, with thousand value of life.  sebagai praja, jelas saya belajar banyak hal. secara khsus pada moment ini. keluar dari zona nyaman, kenal dengan lingkungan baru, dapat pengalaman baru yang tidak pernah dilakukan sebelumnya. bertemu dengan banyak orang, dengan karakter dan kepribadian yang berbeda dan tidak dapat disamakan.  awalnya merasa ragu, apa iya akan cocok ? semoga baik-baik saja prosesnya. dan ternyata memang Tuhan baik !!!.  dengan penduduk kota tasikmalaya yang mostly, banyak menggunakan bahasa sunda, disini saya belajar banyak kosakata baru, kosakata bahasa sunda. punten, kelebet, namut KK, masih banyak lagi. kenal dan berinteraksi secara langsung dengan masyarakat, turun dan tau keadaan lapangan, dan sistem kerja republik ini, (kurang lebihnya).  dan yang paling berkesan adalah semua pengalaman ditempat baru ini. air terjun setinggi itu, ke gunung dengan posisi malam hari, pesiar sendiri

I don't know how to start talk about this. just little bit flashback about what allready happen on me in march 2023. It's so sick.  I just had to know that the world can always go like your mind, even you do your best to make it. My friends said "don't be so naive  irma!". And i realise that OMG that right HAHAHA. I've just realise that i'm so naive. One thing that i  always belive in, that when we do good to people, we'll got a goog things for us. Be kind. you'll got kindness to.  It is depply regretted, that so much negativity around me. since 2020, i know that there is no one i can trust, except me. And that became the greatest wound as well as fear. there is no place to lean on, not even just to share stories. and i'm used to it. accustomed to standing alone, keeping stories and a million thoughts alone (as ussual). a little crying, but i believe i'll be fine.  not all the good that you give can return to bring good to you. But that doe